Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Was Frankenstein an Outstanding Composter?

The young ambitious Victor Frankenstein allowed his curiosity and scientific pursuit to lead down a dark path of questionable morals while pushing the boundaries of humanity. What if young Frankenstein had chosen to advance the science of composting instead?

In honor of the best holiday of the year (in my humble opinion), I’ve imagined this classic horror novel character as a master composter and I think he would have been fantastic.
Victor Frankenstein
Frankenstein's monster

Science. Dr. Frankenstein, the quintessential genius mad scientist, certainly would have applied his knowledge to composting. From the pH of a compost pile,  to balancing carbon and nitrogen, to the benefits of composting (including happiness), a basic understanding of science helps one to understand composting too. 

Frankenstein no doubt would have improved upon our current methods. Possibly with lightning rods and the meticulous selection of what goes into the bin?

Two is better. Although reluctant, Frankenstein made a companion for his first lonely creation. His single compost bin would be lonely too. Making a second would have made Victor’s job of harvesting way easier because one bin could be “cooking” while he was adding material to the other. I like to think that the marriage between Frankenstein’s two compost bins would have worked out much better than his two monsters.

New “life” to the dead. Frankenstein could have applied his interest in the reanimation of human body parts to giving dead vegetable scraps and leaves a new life as a very useful soil amendment. He would not have been as horrified harvesting the rich brown finished compost as he was when he first laid eyes on his monster.

Perhaps Victor Frankenstein should have chosen composting as an obsession rather than the reanimation of human corpses. The chances of his compost bin becoming a homicidal monster were very low and composting results in virtually no self-loathing or regret. Although, I doubt Mary Shelley would have sold quite as many copies of Frankenstein: a Modern Composter.

I’ll leave you with a disturbing, Halloween-appropriate quote from Frankenstein’s monster:

There is love in me the likes of which you've never seen. There is rage in me the likes of which should never escape. If I am not satisfied in the one, I will indulge the other.” –Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus

Past Halloween Blog Posts:
How to Practice Compost Witchcraft
Compost Like a Vampire
Three Warning Signs Your Compost is a Zombie
Smashing Pumpkins

Happy Halloween, my fellow frankencomposters.
Poor guy just wanted someone to love.

1 comment:

  1. Love the post! You always have fun Halloween posts. I think my bin is at risk of becoming that "homicidal monster" right now, but after I show it some love with some leaves and much needed water, I think I'll be safe. For now... Bwahhh ha ha haaaaaaaa.