Three Reasons Werewolves Make Terrible Composters

ARH-WOOOOOOOOO….

Werewolves may be able to smell prey from miles away, tear through the forest with impressive speed, and rip their enemies to shreds but, unlike vampires, werewolves do not make great composters. 

1.     They eat only meat. Usually raw, sometimes while it is still alive. As we know, meat does not play well in our backyard compost pile.

2.     They are not civilized. Werewolves are too busy howling at the moon and stalking prey to carry a kitchen pail of food scraps to the bin.

3.     Their strong sense of smell and dog-like behaviors would likely lead to the werewolf rolling around in the compost pile rather than tending to it.

Never fear, though! We can learn a few tips from their legendary lack of domesticity. Like our monster canine friends, composters do have a pack. (I see you driving around town with your “I heart compost” bumper magnets.) And I would love to borrow those lycanthrope claws and strength to turn my whole compost pile in a matter of seconds.

Maybe we have more in common with werewolves than I originally thought. I may not have bulging hairy muscles ripping apart my flannel shirt or sharp canines dripping with infectious saliva, but I can howl at the moon with the best of them.

Happy Hallooooweeeen!

If you are like me and love Halloween and composting, check out our other posts based on the best holiday of the year:

Compost Ghost

Was Frankenstein an Outstanding Composter? 

How to Practice Compost Witchcraft
Compost Like a Vampire
Three Warning Signs Your Compost is a Zombie
Smashing Pumpkins